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El Peluquero – The Barber
Montezuma´s Revenge
Montezuma was Emperor of the Aztec Empire in modern day Mexico from 1502 to 1520, and he was in power when the Spanish began their conquest of the Aztec lands. And since no one likes to see their country overrun by foreign invaders, evidently Montezuma is committed to forever seeking revenge on us foreigners who invade or just VISIT what was once Aztecan.
Moreover, he seems to have extended his “revenge zone” throughout all of Mexico, Central America, and South America … and I expect that this revenge zone could also include states (or parts of states) that were once part of Mexico, including the entire states California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas, as well as parts of Wyoming, Colorado, Oklahoma and Kansas.
That´s a wide swath of land!
So I´m not sure what I did to trigger Montezuma´s wrath all the way down here in Arequipa, Perú, which is at least 3000 miles away from where Montezuma reigned, but evidently I did something to really piss him off.
But I´m here to tell you that you don´t have to take it without putting up a fight … that you don´t have to take it sitting down … that though you may have been caught with your pants down, you don´t have to stay there … that you can turn a lemon into lemonade … that you can find rainbows in the clouds … and that ultimately you can send that negative, ahem, stuff right back where it came from.
I have done SO MUCH reading this week on the can. I´ve read an entire Spanish-language National Geographic Magazine … I can tell you about recently discovered secrets of the Mayas, about the life of a lion in Tanzania, and about the rise of the sugar industry throughout the world. I´ve read backwards and forwards the brochure on Arequipa´s Cathedral Museum. I´ve read the bulletin from last Sunday´s Catholic mass at least 3 times. I´ve listened to audiobooks on my iPod, and I´ve even prepared English lesson plans. This has been a very productive week, and all this reading is really strange for me because I have not been a voracious reader like my lovely wife, but for the past week I would say that my reading prowess has been on par with the best of them.
The other thing is that this cataclysm has been great for my diet. A few years ago I finally lost the extra 15-20 lbs that I had been carrying around for several years, but before coming to Peru I was inching back toward the 180s. Not to worry … my buddy Montezuma came to the rescue (or revenge). I didn´t even want to look at food for about 3 days, and when I dared to put even a few morsels into the system, I gurgled like a bowling pot overflowing on the stove … I bubbled like lava bubbling up from a hot crater … I rumbled like a locomotive trying to cross a mountain vertically … I growled like a tiger who hasn´t eaten in a week. I was afraid that I might wake up the neighborhood! Not only did I gurgle and bubble and rumble and growl, but I gave it all I had! If there was anything in me, it´s now long gone! I probably could have walked into a colonoscopy clinic and convinced them to give me the procedure on-the-spot. Surely I weigh less now than when I arrived 3 weeks ago, and I´d like to thank my buddy Montezuma for all his help.
Okay, Montezuma, you´ve had your revenge on me … in spite of the fact that I never did anything to you … please note that I am just down here teaching English, that I´m trying to HELP PEOPLE, and also doing a little exploring … and I might suggest that this little game of revenge you´ve been playing for God-knows-how-many-centuries is getting a little old … and I´d like to mention that there´s a little thing called karma, you know … that perhaps it´s time for you to start collecting a few reading materials yourself, eh? … and even though you may not want to hear this, I think that you´ve been looking a little pudgy around the waistline lately … so it is high time that you shave off a few of those donuts … how ´bout a little of your own medicine? … and we´ll just see if you TOO can keep a positive attitude while walking through the fire … so whatchu think of that _ _ _ _ , Big Boy?
P.S. Here´s a few photos from Perú, https://www.flickr.com/photos/weluvutah/sets/72157635490288831/, and you know where you can stick them!
My Journey to Peru
Crowd Source a Spanish English Vocab Builder
Linguists are the really smart people that study human language, and many of them believe that the 3000 most common words in a language make up 90% of the content we experience on a daily basis.
Moreover, once we understand those 3000 most common words, we can understand the general context of whatever we might read or hear on a daily basis.
Obviously, this is a pretty significant achievement for us second language learners.
There’s more! A 3000 word vocabulary enables us to express everything that we could possibly want to say in our new language, with the understanding that at only 3000 words we would often have to express ourselves in a roundabout way. (I was going to use the word circumlocution, but I’m not sure that I know what that means).
In any case, I really dig the idea of being able to say everything that I want to say in Spanish (assuming that someone would be willing to listen to me), so I am working to ensure that my Spanish vocabulary far exceeds 3000 palabras.
Unfortunately, I have looked high and low for a 3000 word vocabulary builder that is effective and easy-to-use, and I have yet to find one. Notice that I said “effective” and “easy-to-use,” and I probably should have included “inexpensive.”
So if I had a couple million dollars on hand at this moment, I would probably go ahead and build that super-duper software app right now and deliver it to the world just as soon as I could. But short of having dos millones de dolares en mi mano ahorita, I am happy to resort to “crowd sourcing.”
I have already compiled a list of the 3000 most common words (with some expressions) used by native Spanish speakers. This list was compiled from various sources, and admittedly skews toward Spanish America (since that is where the majority of Spanish speakers originated from and/or live). Obviously, a list such is this is open to debate, so please don’t think any less of me if I missed your favorite Spanish word; moreover, please email me any additions or corrections you might have).
I am imagining an application that has an image, a sound recording, and written letters associated with each of the 3000 words (which could be tricky for words such as LES, SUERTE, DIOS, TAL, IMPRESIONANTE, MEMORIA, etc.). And at this point what I need most are an image/picture for each word, and down the road I can work on getting a native Spanish speaker (or several speakers) to record the sound of each word. (I am familiar with www.forvo.com, but I don’t expect that they just give away their audio files).
This is where you come in. I will send you a link to this list of 3000 words, which include a bonus 145 words since the list is actually 3145 words, if you will agree to send me a picture (i.e. jpg file) of 5 separate words. That’s all you have to do – send me 5 jpg files. And to avoid getting several pictures of an abeja (bee), please pick 5 words that you think would not be commonly chosen (such as HUELGA).
I have spent probably at least 40 hours of my time compiling this list and I am happy to share it with you, and all that I ask is that you send me 5 jpg files in return.
And if you have a couple million dollars that you would like to put toward this project, or you can get me on the Shark Tank, please let me know.
Gracias, Keith
P.S. God willing, I will be in Peru teaching English during the months of September and October.